The negative views and broadcasts of the news. The focus on the rich, reality stars, name-calling, politics and encouragement of bad behavior in the media. Unemployment, foreclosures, disappointments, senseless murders of children, hurricanes, anger and the struggle of simply living day to day. In these times we live in, so much seems to point to hopelessness and the belief that, “Nothing I do matters.”
Almost weekly, someone (from those with fame and wealth to the everyday Joe who is just getting by) shares their feelings, fears, struggles, and even thoughts of ending it all because their lives are “just too hard to live” with me. Man, I so get that. There have been times recently where I have even questioned God’s plan in my life, believed I was standing alone, and considered that a better plan would be for Him to allow me to quietly pass in my sleep. So many questions seem to go unanswered. So much harm and wrong seems to go unpunished. So much seems to be required of us with a feeling there is not much to gain.
In the midst of it all, as Christians, God asks us to “Be still (translated: “to be struck dumb, not moving, thinking or reacting”) and know He is God.” He asks us to trust Him completely even in the midst of insanity in our lives. For some, telling others to simply trust in the Lord is a help. I have found for most, being told to just trust and be still holds little help and comfort when the rent is due in two hours, a divorce is looming, or a child has just been killed. So why in the world would a loving God leave us with the requirement to trust Him and be still when He knows that life, at times, feels impossible?
Before I share my view of that answer let me tell you a story.
About five years ago, a woman with a successful career and making good money sensed she was called by God to become a writer and national speaker. She had glimpses of the platform that move would take and the heights her dream would take her, but she had no definitive direction or details of His plan. She also sensed that God was calling her to a journey of struggle and trust. A clear detail of “closed doors in efforts for employment on her own” was given but again no other detail was offer regarding His plan.
She began the daunting challenge of learning how to write a book, researching, learning the industry and writing a book with a focus she was unsure in writing. Through the course of her first book, she losses her job, apartment, finds out she will remain childless, and continues to write with a purpose that is unclear. Despite her fears, she ended up writing a memoir about her life and the secrets that were kept. She still had no answers to His plan but through the release of her book, her sister comes to the Lord and acknowledges after 50+ years secrets she held in bondage and hears of lives being changed.
She prays and seeks for a steady job, a home of her own, and financial stability that evade her. Although God continues to provide shelter in hotel rooms, people’s homes, and rooms, the only confirming and constant message she receives is, “Trust Me, I’ve got you, just follow Me.” Over the next four years God continues to call her to different places, states, and situations. Despite the feeling of being “flaky”, not wanting to go, and other’s opinions and judgments regarding their belief of what God can do, she follows where He leads first testing and confirming the voice of God, through prayer, her pastor, wise counsel, etc. versus her own agenda. Although she cannot see the plan or purpose, lives are impacted, people rededicate and trust in the Lord, and her life is changing.
Times are desperate. Continual questions of God’s plan and the dream she believes she is moving toward remain a struggle. She writes a second book dealing with the struggle to hold onto and begin dreaming again after a journey of struggles, abuse, and curses. The media picks up her story. Over 300 people either rededicate their lives or come to the Lord. In His plan, celebrities, the imprisoned, CEO’s, ministry leaders, and
hurting people begin to hope and dream again and are encouraged through speaking, writing and mentoring. She did not orchestrate any of that or even realized those events would take place.
Again, the Lord has called her to follow Him, this time to another state. Her trust is wavering and she is weary of the struggles of the journey yet she follows. She was working on a third book about dreaming, pursuing and trusting completely in spite of the journey and hopelessness of the moments to help other hope and dream. Employment once again ended. Within months of moving, her rental car is broken into, her newly purchased car and all the money she had in the world (on the day she was planning to make a down payment on a home she finally would have) was stolen. Jobs she found and were hired for suddenly evaded her again, through cancellations, “We accidently over hired”, etc. She was left to live each word she wrote. She had to trust completely for shelter, finances, work and transportation with no money, bus line, or car.
By now, you have figured out that the woman in the story is me. In the midst of fears, worries, insane situations, job’s comforters, and doubt, the messages remains, “Trust Me, I’ve got you, just follow Me.” In the view of some, I am foolish and certainly sin is to blame. However, in the light of the Word, my experience, and growing trust that has overwhelmed me, I would not trade my life and this journey for all the fame, wealth or houses in the world. His plan daily take shapes, miracles appear, direction is clearer and hope is a sword.
Many are learning during these times that trust was NOT what they thought it was. So many times, we trust that God will provide the desires and situations we are asking because He is a loving God and will not leave us or forsake us. Instead, we miss the part where He asks, “Do you trust ME…period! It is easy to trust God when I believe He will do what I want. However, trust is put to the test when I trust in Him alone even if it means, I don’t get what I desire or when I want it, or He says, “What you are asking for is not the best for you” or I need to take you through a difficult journey in order for you to fully enjoy what you have asked in the best way possible.”
Trusting completely is not trusting in a situation, event, person, or thing from God. It is trusting that no matter what I see or don’t see, the wait, the journey, or the insanity, I trust that He is good and will ALWAYS do what is best for me. The bottom line of trust is really coming to terms with the question, “Do I really, really believe that God will always do what is best, loves me more than I could ever love myself, and everything He does or allows is for me best.” That is the question we all have to ask. If we don’t truly believe that then nothing else, including trust, matters.
Yes, like Job, I have demanded that God show me His hand and tell me why my journey is so hard as part of His plan. Yes, there are times when, like Job, I have cursed the day I was born and wanted out. Yes, there are times when I say, “I cannot take one more step!” However, like Job, I have and continue to learn regardless of what I am going through, other people, what I feel, see or don’t see, that I know my redeemer lives. Daily, I see miracles of answers to my need, God using me greatly in the lives of others in spite of my struggles, and learn laughable lessons and sensing Him saying, “See, I told you I got it handled.”
Despite the lies fed us of “A Godly and faith driven life means that things are going well and you are prosperous”, “If you are struggling, sad, or crying out then it’s because you are in sin” (all of us have sin in our lives and daily need to confess it), “Just send in your seed gift or pay for your miracle water or oil and God will bless you or you will receive money” (Personally, I hope there is a special punishment for the so called preachers who are stealing people’s money and lying to them that they can manipulate God by giving Him money or doing something to make Him do ANYTHING…Just had to get that out….Please don’t believe that lie. Your sending in your last dollar out of desperation while the preacher is making millions…no names mentioned) and other lies, the fact is God, not us, in the one is total control.
Hold on. You are not crazy, a loser, or foolish for holding on to Him during this time of insanity. Remember, according to the Word, all that is happening is supposed to happen. The question is can you trust HIM alone in the midst of the insanity knowing that a perfect plan is happening on your behalf. It might not look the way you expect (It won’t), happen in the time you expect (It won’t) or even how you expect (It
won’t).
I encourage you as I encourage myself to:
1) Breathe
2) Stop trying to figure things out, make assumptions of why things are happening, or demand that God explain Himself. (As a parent, you don’t have to explain why your pushing your child’s hand away from the stove’s fire. All they need to know, despite not understanding, is that you love them desperately and will do everything for their best)
3) Fight your fear. When we fear, immediately WE feel that WE have to find a way out and control the situation. The hardest thing to do is to say, “Yes, I’m afraid that things will not work out the way I want. However, I will trust that God has totally got this in control and even if it does not come out the way I want, He has got a way of escape and there is something He is doing that I can’t see or understand right now.” Take power from fear. It is impossible to trust God and fear at the
same time.
4) Let go of assumptions and expectations of what your life is SUPPOSED to be and what you’re supposed to have. Maybe He has way more for us than the little box of expectations we have.
5) Remember, our source of love, worth, and acceptance does NOT come from people, places or things. Our identity is in Jesus Christ alone. A job, fame, money, what people think of me etc, certainly impact me, but they have no power over me or who I am because they
are not my source.
6) Feel what you feel then try to hold onto the truth. Scream, shout, cuss, cry, ask God all the questions you have and let him know all your feelings. Then listen, be still and allow Him to answer. I know I would be dead if He did not continue to talk to me in my spirit like a two year old. The beauty of relationship.
7) Talk with a SAFE person who will listen and just be there. We all have junk. When we can stop pretending like we have it together, we can relax in knowing we can be ourselves.
Hang in there, my friend. You can do this. Trust the fact that there is a perfect plan in place (Jer. 29:11) and before you were born, He knew exactly how He was going to use your life, the struggles you would have, the greatness that will come from it. We will understand it better at a future time.
You are NOT walking this out alone. I promise you.
your fellow journeyer
Charlotte
Comments on: "(Must read if ur struggling)TRUST: How Do We Trust When Everything Around Us Says, “Give Up”" (15)
Would love to always get updated great site ! .
Kim, Honey, I would like to thank you for sharing also. I do want to encourage you to share more with Charlotte via email because i was nother one that just thought life “sucked” and i wanted to give up too. I did in a different kind of way until i nearly died and God spared me. At the time He did, I was angry even at Him. I can so feel your pain and just want to say that You are not alone, and if there is anyway i can encourage you. I am here, but please do share with Charlotte she is so easy to talk to and so real. She helped me too. I am thinking about you Honey and praying for you too.
Dolores
I am going through something myself lately, I just want to give up. My whole life has been one thing after another and even though I have done my best it is not enough. I feel like to give up would be a relief in some way. I don’t want to hurt anyone like my dad did when I was young and he gave up but I am tired and nothing ever changes it all goes back to what I feel has become the norm of my life always hurt always let down and now I feeling angry and sad at the same time. I can not deal with this.
Hi Kim,
first, thank you for sharing your heart and being so honest in your struggles. I so get the frustration and desire to give up. Man, sometimes it is difficult to find reasons to take another step. However, no matter how crazy life seems, I know one thing for a fact. Take this from someone who has tried to commit suicide seven times. There is something you are believing that is a lie. Perhaps, it is a lie about who you are, your future, your worth, or your situation right now.
Kim, I certainly don’t have all the answers but if you are willing to try for another day, I would love to email you and perhaps chat about some things you are feeling and hear more of your story. Believe me, you are so not alone.
Let’s chat
charlotte
Charlotte,
I thank God for you and your messages areso fruitful, insightful, and so ME. It feels really good to not feel so much alone now although local friends are not happening. Wow, I feel better and you are right, it is a journey but I still tend to hide my pain and avoid others as a result.
Thanks.
dolores
Hi Charlotte thank you it just amazes me so much that I really cannot put it into words right now ever since the initial time I saw you on CBN broadcast it is as if I’m looking at myself in many aspects you still inspire me.God bless and love you:)
Wow! Thank you so much, Melanie. I am honored. It is truly a journey but it is so worth it. You can do this, I promise. Thanks so much again. Charlotte
Thank You Charlotte
Thank you so very much, James. Charlotte
By the way…I loved this post.
Charlotte,
I struggle so much right now because I see young people…new in the faith…gifted and talented people…everything they touch turns to Gold so to speak in ministry. I am sitting in their classrooms, they are leading me in worship….I am old enough to be their mother and have been walking with God, trusting, and seeking His purpose….and I have always been told by other believers that I don’t have what it takes to be in ministry. I am too immature or I talk too much or I don’t listen enough or I am too dysfunctional or am not wise enough. It’s quite humiliating to hear these things at 43 years of age…that I have heard from ministry leaders since I was 20. All the hardships, the dying to self, the changing, the growing that I see in my life…goes unnoticed. I am in a place of giving up. I don’t understand why some people get saved and go right into successful ministry…and I am afraid to even show my face at church. I have fear that I am being watched and judged. This is not because I am paranoid or psycho…this is because it has been my experience that I am being watched because I am constantly being ridiculed for “assumed” behaviors that really…are not accurate at all.
I have never fit in anywhere in this life. I was abused by so many people, relatives, friends, neighbors, my spouse, his family… I never fit in with the lost. I never fit in with my family. I never fit in with the saved and I have never felt welcome or useful or wanted in any church. So, the problem is me and as much as I pray, fast, study the word, seek to please God to the best of my abilities….my life seems to be a waste. I’m tired….and am always trying to heal wounds inflicted by others. I have learned that no person is to be trusted…only God…and I have even put up walls to keep from getting too attached to people because it is those whom I have loved the deepest…who have hurt me the most.
I am trying to write. I am trying to be obedient and to believe that God has called me to women’s ministry…as I have believed most of my life. But doors that I think are opening…they shut in my face when I try to walk through. I feel like a hopless pathetic mess and I am at that place where I sometimes wish I could fall asleep and it would be over.
All I want to do is be usable….but I have never measured up. I am humiliated and ashamed that I am in this place at my age as a Christian. I feel pathetic…No wonder God doesn’t use me. However, I wouldn’t feel this way…if all of these things were not continually happening. As soon as I get up on my feet again and brush the dust off…and take one step forward…there is always somebody there to remind me of where my place is and send me at least 2 steps back.
Even God seems to say…just stay in your cave because I need you out of the way….you only hinder My work.
Hi KLD, due to the tenderness of your struggle, I am not going to post this. However, I am going to shoot you an email offline. I so understand where you are at. I think I can help with some of your questions.
Charlotte
Hello there,
I so get what you’re feeling. It really gets rough sometimes. I totally hear your frustration, pain and desperate need for answers from God. So many things seem to be happening in your life that seem unfair and on top of that, God does not seem to be offering any explanation, direction or answers as to why or even when a breakthrough will happen. Absolutely crazy stuff. However you are not crazy or weird. Like so many going through similiar situations, you just hate the process, want to know that God is still actively working a plan in your life, that He truly loves and cares about you and need some reassurance that there is a reason for the suffering.
I was so there earlier this week. I actually had a bottle of sleeping pills on the table. I was feeling like nothing I did, prayed for, hoped for or felt mattered to God. At some point, I had to start thinking about what was going on that was pissing me off and making me so sad. For me, reading Job in the bible really helped to answer exactly where I was.
Yes, so much jacked up stuff has happened but what was driving me into depression was demanding that God explain to me why all this hell was coming to my doorstep and explain why He was not opening the doors and things I deeply desired. I wanted answers and He, I thought wasn’t talking. Basically, I was mad because He was not doing what I wanted Him to do and answer the questions in the way I wanted. He was not giving me what I wanted so I felt like He didn’t care, forgot about me, and my actions made no difference. EVERYTHING, while the feeling is real, was and is a lie.
Did He immediately start giving me things I wanted after realizing what was going on and confessing my demands to control him and my self-focused thinking, no. However, as I started to calm down, remembered that what we feel 99.9% of the time is always a lie (and that’s the truth), holding onto the truth of who He is instead of what I’m feeling about Him, and talking with someone who is safe and I trust to give me a perspective outside my own head, my feelings and thoughts started to change. I had to choose not to believe only my feelings and be willing to start asking God to talk to me like a two year and help me to see what I’m not getting.
You are so right, the only thing that will help any of us is divine intervention. However, our part in the is making the really hard choice not to give up. Basically your saying (just like I said) “God only you can help me, but since you’re not going to show up and do what I need to you do because you don’t care, screw it.” I get that.
Try reading the book of Job. The comforters (so called friends) will piss you off, but you will so relate to Job. I did. He is so saying the same thing to God and even pleading for death. Check out his wonderful response in the midst of saying what you feel to God and watch what God beautifully says to him. keep in mind, Job was a righteous man according to God who simply had enough and needed answers. I’m still reading through it.
You are not alone. Despite your feelings, remember you worth is NOT connected to the events in your life and whatever is happening with other people. What He is doing in others lives has nothing to do with us and visa versa. We only see the outside. You are not a loser, failure or anything like that. You are simply hurting and want answers just like everybody else.
Are you talking with someone safe or dealing with your pain on your own? Hey, I’m a counselor and know I need someone to talk to when I’m feeling on the ledge.
Hang in there. Try writing down those desires of your heart. Without expectations of other people, start listing, if you have not already, the things that you could and would do to move toward those desires.
You can do this. Breathe and remember what you feel is not the truth.
Hope that helps.
Thank you. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that others struggle just like I do. Thank you for being transparent. I just heard from a Christian today that I thought had it together…that she has suicidal thoughts all the time. The enemy is always on the prowl…seeking whom he may devour.
Absolutely! I think because we seem have a thing in our society where people believe they have to pretend to be alright, look good, and look like they don’t have issues, we fear being ourselves. The fact is EVERYBODY has got tons of junk yet we assume we are the only ones. That is a huge lie. No one is better than anyone or lives above the struggles and pain of life. When we start to put everyone on the same playing field as “walking wounded” we start to realize we are not the only ones and realize we are not crazy, just hurting like other people.
thank so much
Charlotte