COACHING CORNER – Why Do We Fear Trusting Others?
Why is trust such a huge fear for many people? The simple answer is that we often equate trust with letting go of control. We leave too much to chance and risk getting hurt and crushed by others when we don’t keep control of our lives. That is the basic belief we hold onto regarding trust and the reason we often fear trusting others. We simply don’t want to put ourselves in a position of being hurt again.
That feeling is so understandable and is so real. So many of us live our lives in the pursuit of escaping hurt. The sad reality is that no matter how much we try to control our lives and avoid pain and struggle, it is impossible to fight against life and the people and situations that we have absolutely no control over.
We have no control over the mental breakdown of a gunman’s thoughts or a car that veers in our path out of control. We have no control of an illness that takes over our body or the hurtful words of a loved one’s pain. We have no control over how people will respond, how others think, what the next day will bring, or if we will be alive to see the ending of another day. In short, we have very little control of anything over our lives.
Perhaps, the issue is not the reality that we have little control over our lives or even that people and situations will cause hurt to cross our path and attack our trust. Perhaps, the main issue to consider is our great fear of avoiding pain and struggle and believing that our worth and acceptance are attached to the level of struggles we go through. We often believe that if we are strong, faithful, hard-working, and put-together, life will hold little pain and struggles and the opposite is true if we are lazy, lack faith, have problems in our life and show weakness. Unfortunately, struggles and pain, except when there is a great national tragedy, are seen as a curse from God, a character flaw, something to be avoided and prayed against
We fear many things, and we always hate what we fear. While painful, sometimes it is easier and safer to believe we will fail than to believe we will succeed. We fear being alone, being hurt by others, being abandoned, and the feeling of not being lovable. We fear failure, rejection, making mistakes, not being good at something, having to depend on someone, showing our imperfections, and the feeling of not being worthwhile.
We fear taking risks, walking into the unknown, taking chances, and the possibility we will not have control. We fear not fitting into a certain group, being different, not agreeing with others, and the feeling of not being acceptable.
We also fear dreaming, hoping, sharing our dreams, taking risks, and wanting more because in the back of our minds we hear the whisper, “What you long for will never happen, at least not for you.” We anticipate our inabilities, failures, and disqualifications before making a first step in reality.
All too often, the conditioning we receive is based on false beliefs and negative circumstances that leave a message that something is lacking in us and to hope for anything but the easily obtainable will always be out of reach.
You can do this!
Copyright © 2017 by Charlotte D. Hunt All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, or otherwise without written permission from the author except for brief quotations in printed reviews.