DISCOVERING HOW YOU’RE WIRED: Your Story: Moving Forward
Part Three – Moving Forward; We are all Damaged Goods (to some extent)! : Imperative in leading others
As you learned from my story, I was told a long time ago that God would never use me because I was, according to that church leader, “damaged goods.” At the time, I was devastated and became hopeless because of my believed inability to be used and the lie I believed about being damaged goods. Since then I have learned the foolishness of that leader’s words and come to truly understand the truth about being damaged goods and how imperative it is in reading our stories and moving in the lives of others.
So far in this blog series, we have found that we all have three crucial needs; the need to have worth, the need to be loved, and the need to feel acceptable. Everything we do in life is an attempt to get one or all of those needs met. The problem occurs when we look to the wrong things (ie. people, our performance, food, shopping, being religious (not talking about being a Christian but being believing your worth, acceptance and love from God is based on what you can do for Him or how good you can be), drugs, work, etc.)
We also began to deal with the stories of our lives. We listed the components of our stories like a great novel then yesterday began to bring them together for a flow which became the general story of our life. I want to stress, it was a general story of your life. We are all more complex than a few paragraphs and we will come back those paragraphs later.
Today, we figure out this thing called damage goods. What is the immediate conclusion you make when I say, “someone or something is damaged goods”? More often than not, you would probably conclude the person or thing is in bad shape, perhaps has an addiction, abused, living on the streets, has a negative past, unwanted, has a lower value, etc.
So often we jump to the conclusion that being damaged is equal to being unusable, unfixable, permanent, shameful, something we should hide or not talk about, a weakness, a flaw or something unnatural. The fact is we are all damaged to various degrees simply because we are fallible humans capable of hurting others and being hurt. By definition, damage simply means, “loss or harm resulting from injury to person, property, or reputation.” In other words, if you have ever been hurt, misunderstood, betrayed, harmed, lost someone or suffered loss, been rejected, disappointed, etc. you have experienced damage in your life. Often but not always, because of that damage the view in which we see ourselves and others get blurred through the filter of our experience.
For example, if at some point in a person’s life they were told, “You’re not going to be successful in life” they will subconsciously create a view of themselves and others. Depending on many factors, that person may grow up believing what they were told and fail to live up to their potential or they may become very successful simply to prove the person wrong and realize they can be successful in life.
Being damaged simply means we are not perfect and because of being human and living life, situations, events, and experiences have happened to impact the way we view our world. That impact created a believed or real obstacle that stands between where we are and where we want to be (our dreams and visions). From the person living on the streets or in prison to the supermodel, celebrity, or candidate in the White House we experience the impact of being damaged goods.
By now, you might be saying, “Okay, Charlotte so we all are damaged and imperfect because we deal with life day to day. What does that have to do with me, my story or knowing who I am.” I am so glad you asked. It has everything to do with it. Until we can come to the point of using the damage in our lives as a spring board to our purpose instead of using it as a reflection of worth or a source for obstacles, we will continue to keep the meaning of being damaged goods negative.
I am proud to say that I am damaged goods. Because I know being damaged qualifies me to move into people’s lives who don’t claim to be perfect and need someone who can relate to them on their level, from great to small, who won’t be surprised by whatever they tell me. Realizing we are damaged doesn’t mean we are weak, less than, problematic or an outcast. Being damaged means we realize we are not perfect, don’t need to pretend we have it all together all the time, can be real with others, and allow the pain and hurt of our experiences to push us toward our potential, possibilities, and purpose instead of holding us in captive.
Think about your story. Through the course of your life recall the points where you experienced damage (hurt, disappointment, loss, etc.). How did it impact you? Did you shut down and say, “Never again will I get hurt that way!” or “I will never let anybody get close enough to hurt me.” How were you encouraged to take a different path or have a passion toward a certain cause or group of people? How is your current life a reflection of your past? What limitations have you placed on yourself based on points of damage from the past or present?
Go back and review your story. As you reread it, begin to list those experiences throughout your life where you can recall damage done to you. Again, this is not about blaming, a pity party, finding a reason why you can’t do something or anything like that. This is about identifying experiences that possibly impacted your life toward your purpose and the dreams and visions that are stirring inside you now.
Make a list of those experiences then we will tie them together next time to see how those experiences will help to uncover your Purpose through your Passions, Burden, and Themes.
Dream Madly, Pursue Wildly, Trust Completely
Copyright © 2017 by Charlotte D. Hunt All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, or otherwise- without written permission from the author except for brief quotations in printed reviews.