DISCOVERING HOW YOU’RE WIRED: “Your Story: Top Excuses or Obstacles
Top Excuses or Obstacles Why We Don’t Reach Dreams: Failure is an Option
In our last part we looked at the problem versus the feelings that we often have in preventing us from moving forward in telling, reading and applying our stories. I shared with you last time that we will be dealing with transferring your story into the purpose, potential and possibilities of your life in the remaining topics for this series.
So far, we have defined what a story is and why it is vital to knowing, discussed how to read and write our stories, we have become aware that we are all damaged goods to some extent simply because we are all human and have experienced life, we did an exercise to explore our passions, burdens, and themes of our lives, and last time we dealt with separating the symptoms and feelings of why we fail to share, believe our story has value, or use our story toward our purpose versus the problem.
Today, we are going to look at the final three components in moving toward the vision, dreams and purpose you were called to. We are going to uncover the Top Excuses and Obstacles (real or imaged) we have in preventing us from “apprehending that from which we were apprehended for.” We have discussed some throughout this series but it is time to start getting down to the nitty gritty. Before we get started, let me ask for your forgiveness. We are moving into an area that is a burden for me in wanting people to know and to move in. Grasping the power of our stories, understanding our passions, blending our visions and dreams together with overcoming our excuses and obstacles to reach our purpose, potential and possibilities is my heartbeat. So understand, my passion comes from a place of dreaming for you not of condemning in any way.
Before I list the excuses and obstacles let’s be clear on definitions. Sometimes we interchange words that don’t really have the same meaning. For clarity, I want to give you the definition I use (which are from Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary copyright ©2010 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated regarding the following:
Dream (for future) – a strongly desired goal or purpose, a visionary creation of the imagination, an object seen in a dreamlike state.
(Charlotte’s definition: A recurring visionary creation based on the desires, goals, hopes, passions and burdens of an individual.)
Vision – a supernatural appearance that conveys a revelation, a thought, concept, or object formed by the imagination, a manifestation to the senses of something immaterial, unusual discernment or foresight, mode of seeing or conceiving.
(Charlotte’s definition: A supernatural appearance that conveys a revelation, a thought, conception or manifestation received by an individual to give discernment or foresight regarding their purpose.)
Purpose – something set up as an object or end to be attained.
(Charlotte’s definition: The work, position, or function by which you were created to do something that no one else, regardless of similar stories, gifts, talents, or abilities is specifically purposed to do but you.)
Potential – capable of development into actuality.
Possibilities – the condition or fact of being possible, one’s utmost power, capacity, or ability, potential or prospective value.
Excuses – to try to remove blame from, to make apology for, to forgive entirely or disregard as of trivial import, regard as excusable, or to grant exemption or release to.
Obstacles – something that impedes progress or achievement, or to stand in front of.
Now that we are clear on our definitions, let’s look at the top four excuses or obstacles that prevent us from stepping out on our dreams and visions in ascending order.
#4 – Direction:
Often, we will have a dream in our heart, a business we want to get started, an idea to invent something, a book we know we need to write, or a vision we have been given that stirs in our heart but we fail to move forward because we lack direction. The longer we lack direction without seeking help to reach it, the sooner that dream or vision moves to the back of our minds then ends up as a memory. The only difference between the vision and the dream is, the vision won’t leave you alone.
If we don’t add action to our thoughts and plans they simply become great conversation pieces of the future of the times when we can say, “Well, you know once I had an idea to…” Direction can become an excuse because we can easily blame our failure to succeed on, “I didn’t have anyone to help me” or “I just didn’t know how to do it.” Let’s be clear…EVERYTHING is a choice. There are too many resources, people willing to help, internet, library, etc. available for anyone to use this excuse.
The real obstacle with direction is not the lack of information or resources in helping you find direction but the humility and courage that is needed in asking for the help. Whoever calls themselves a “self-made” anybody is lying. It is impossible to succeed or move toward your dreams and visions without soliciting the help of others. I have found Face book to be a great source of asking questions, getting information, asking people for book reviews, coffee meets, etc.
#3 – No Vision/No Dream:
Proverbs 29:18(KJV) says “Where [there is] no vision, the people perish:..” People need something to move them toward hope and pushing toward the future. A third and sad excuse or obstacle that prevents us from stepping out on our dreams and visions is simply, we don’t have visions or dreams. This is especially noticed in the current generation that is trained to focus on present gain instead of waiting, planning, hoping, and holding off for something greater.
However, the parents and grandparents of the current generation are also falling into hopeless trap of “I will just settle”, “It’s too hard to hope for something that might not happen”, “I don’t have any dreams and just live for now.” Like everything, this is a choice. There will always be those who find it easier to watch and evaluate the lives of others instead of moving in courage to find a life of their own.
# 2 – Present Or Past Situation or Circumstance:
This is a HUGE excuse and bigger obstacle. Daily, I counsel, speak and talk to people who truly believe their negative pasts predicate a negative future. Often people will play out the pain in their lives and their unresolved issues from their pasts through addictions, acting out, obsessions, fantasy, avoidance, religious behavior, hopelessness, etc. It is so easy to believe you have no purpose, no future, no hope when all you have known is pain, failure, obstacles, people telling you that you cannot succeed. In you are in that situation, please seek someone safe to talk to preferably a professional. There is no shame in that. I am the first to say, professional counseling saved my life. It’s difficult to move forward if you still are fighting with the past. Please get help first then come back to this.
Still there are others who have worked through many unresolved issues but still prevent themselves from moving forward because of looking through the filter of their past or present situation. They say things like, “I can’t act on my dream because, I just lost my job, I have a family, I’m too old, I’m don’t have a degree in…, I don’t have any money, I’m a single mother, I fail at everything I try, I could never do that, nobody wants to read about my story, who would pay to hear me speak?, I am in bad health, I’ve been in jail and I was a drug addict, what can I do? (Can you hear them?….more excuses than a child coming in after curfew!)
Not one of those excuses or any outside of death is a valid reason to fail to move toward a person’s purpose, potential, and possibilities, not a one. Whatever you have gone through, you have survived. Use it, knowing there is nothing that can stop you. Don’t allow your experiences to have control of your life instead of you mastering over your experiences for your life.
#1 – FEAR: (False Evidence Appearing Real)
The greatest excuse or obstacle that prevents us from stepping out on our dreams and visions is fear. What does fear look like? It looks like rejection, fear of failing, fear of taking risk, fear of the unknown, fear of not being good at something, having to depend on someone, having to ask for help, other people knowing, fear that you might be doing the right thing, fear if you are doing the right thing, wondering if you have the money to do this, wondering if God really gave you that vision or was it really you, and on and on and on.
Fear stops us in our tracks daily. Sometimes fear is our friend and warns us of impending danger. Other times we create that fear because of our assumptions, believes, thoughts, hearsay and everything else that isn’t real. That’s where we get into trouble.
I come from a background that thrived in fear so I get it and know how much fear can immobilize someone. However, remember what fear is. If it is not a healthy fear of warning or indication, then it is probably the definition above.
My suggestion in dealing with fear is to face it for what it is and move in courage. Hopefully, you will have a least 1 or 2 safe people in your life that you can share your dreams and vision with. They should be someone who not only knows you but can be totally honest to the point of hurting you to do so. Now, that is the type of person I want in my life! Next have a second small group of people who you can share ideas about your dreams and visions who will give you honest suggestions and buy into your vision or dream even if they never lift a finger. These will be people to talk to and to help you think things through and challenge fears you have.
Facing it requires a great deal of self talk, separating your feelings from the truth (big factor!), knowing the triggers of your fears, getting an honest assessment of your weaknesses and identifying your needs and target people and courage.
Let me give you an example:
FEAR situation: Mary wants to write a book about her life but she is fearful that people won’t like it and others will be mad that she told about secrets that happened to her.
FACE IT: 1) It’s her story to tell not anyone else’s 2) She will not intentionally hurt anyone but she will not allow others to have power over my story in helping others 3) She needs to check her reasons for writing the book. If she know why she is writing it that is all that matters. 4) She need to seek out wise counsel to talk this over with for support, advice in publishing, and talking to others if needed.
Deal with the fear, then go ahead and write her book, have WISE people to continue to talk with when those feelings come back around (and they will…) Make sense?
You can do this. I know I threw a lot at you. As always, if you have any questions or comments feel free to contact me at email@example.com
Dream Madly, Pursue Wildly, Trust Completely
Copyright © 2017 by Charlotte D. Hunt
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