ENCOURAGEMENT FOR TODAY- Trusting in God is not Equal nor the Same
For years, a certain situation happened in my life. I would continue to grow and discover things about God’s heart, His word and unlearn the hurts, habits and hang-ups I had about myself, others and life during the course of my journey. However, just when things were going alright, that certain situation would spring up and I would find myself responding out of fear, worry, a need for control, panic, desperation for a response from God and a frustration that once again I was facing a situation that I believed I should have graduated from a long time ago.
At first when the situation occurred, I was blind sighted and thought the only solution was a quick jump from a nearby building. As time passed and I allowed myself to start asking the question, “Okay, God, what are you trying to say to me that I’m making myself too busy to hear?” I started to sense that the issue of trust was being tackled. I did not like that at all. The issue of trust meant the issue of control was involved and like Janet Jackson said, “It was all about control!”
To go further down the road, years (yes I said years) passed and through many allowed sufferings of God and struggles with myself, God, Jesus, and everything else, then going through that situation I realized that I trusted God’s love for me without a shadow of doubt. Despite the lack of love growing up and the misuse of love in my early adult years, I knew, trusted and felt God’s complete and unfailing love for me and overwhelmingly loved Him back.
Through more struggles and suffering, then going through that situation, I realized that I trusted God’s goodness without a shadow of doubt. Despite my horrific past of abuse, beatings, addictions, homelessness, fame and more I knew and trusted God’s complete wisdom, plan and purpose for my life and the use of every single moment, positive and negative for my good and His glory. So much so that if given the choice to relive my life or change the events, knowing what I know now, I would not change one single moment.
Finally, through more struggles and suffering, then going through that situation, I realized that I trusted God’s faithfulness without a shadow of doubt. I had witnessed Him perform miracles on my behalf and open and close doors that were humanly impossible. I had sensed and realized times through people, places and things that He never left me, never shamed me, holds my tears, is my best friend and the source of my worth, love and acceptance regardless of anyone or anything walking this Earth.
However, in the past month, while I don’t believe I suffered and had little struggle, the situation came up again. Initially, while concerned, I was calm and continued to respond to the question I always hear God ask me, “Charlotte, do you trust Me?” I said, of course I do, You know that by now (sound familiar from Brother Peter?). (I’m thinking) And hopefully by now we should be done with this situation, right?
Time goes on, I’m praying and amazed at the difference between now and where I started years ago. Then yesterday it hits. I start sliding back into my, “You know God, I think you need my help on this one” mode and start to struggle with why I’m constantly in this situation, what am I doing wrong, God, why don’t you like me, what am I going to do, etc.” I know myself enough to know those are warning signs that I am in, “God, I am fighting to take control of the situation because I am in fear” mode and need to watch a movie or go to sleep to stop my brain.
This morning, the situation, to me, was getting worse. I decided I needed the Lord to, “talk to me like a two year old.” So I wake up early, start cleaning (I have the best conversations with the Lord in the shower and while cleaning) and ask my question (“Okay, God, what are you trying to say to me that I’m making myself too busy to hear?”) I’m crying, asking questions, telling Him that I don’t understand what I’m not getting about this situation because I trust Him then…..I stop. I just stop talking for a moment and listen.
Yes, I assumed because I trusted in His love, goodness and faithfulness that I trusted Him in everything else. What I failed to understand was that I did not trust Him in the area where the situation continued to hit me at my core, His care for me. Lord, do I really trust that you care about my upkeep, my feelings, my pain, and my needs. Lord, do you really care if I have a place to live or if I’m lonely or desperately want a family or job? Yes, I know you love me but do you really care about the things that matter to me? Because of his love, God brought to my attention through another round of the situation that my trust in Him was not equal nor the same. He gave me an opportunity to look to the sources of why I don’t trust His care and help me to heal it in His way and in His time and with the help of others if needed. He is giving me the opportunity to trust Him now in this situation that He truly cares.
Will there be another round of the same situation, I hope not. Man, I am so done! This was a huge one for me that blind sighted me. I had no idea that I doubted His care for me but it makes so much sense as well as some issues with doubt of care regarding people I had. There is always a connection to our relationship with God and our relationship with others (I’ll give that one to you for free!) Interestingly, I find the order of the areas He is teaching me to trust Him in so interesting. I needed to be able to trust Him in the preceding (love, goodness, faithfulness, care) to relish in the next. He works differently for different people. Based on my purpose, this is what is needed for me. The journey continues.
I hope this helps you in some way with your journey in trusting the Lord. Remember: It is a journey, not a destination so don’t expect to get there before the Lord wants you to get there.
You can do this!
As always, if you have questions, comments, suggestions on topic areas or would like to share some of your story, please email me at email@example.com. I would love to hear from you.
Dream Madly, Pursue Wildly, Trust Completely tm
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