Question # 2 from the Ladies Top Ten List
By For Healthy Marriages
Looking to hear from the voices of all who are dating and or looking to be in relationship. Ladies you in particular are being called out. Here’s the reason for the call out, over the last couple of months we have heard from our television, radio and other media personalities stating that the male and female perspective of what/who a good man is differs quite a bit. On our last radio blog we had a male caller call in and express to us that according to his opinion and research, per his statement “the complaint from most 20 to 30 year old educated successful women that they cannot find a good man should be placed squarely at the feet of women”. He believes that all of the issues that women are facing regarding dating is their fault. So what do you think readers, is there fault to be handed out? As indicated over the last few months our male callers have informed us that ladies have a list by which they judge men. Ladies the males that we have spoken with inform us that you are unrealistic of what a good man is. So see below how we are addressing question number two on the ladies top 10 list.
Question 2: Do you equal my definition of what a good man is?
Alright men what is a good man? Now if I want to go deep I would say that there are no good men in the world because Jesus Christ the son of God states in Matthew 19:17 that there is only one who is good and that is God our father. But let me come back to us earthly beings, our definition of the word good maybe the issue. Maybe men and women have different definitions of the word good. Most men probably believe that they are good men and most men would probably be correct. If men assign good as being responsible, hard working, honest, trustworthy and fair. Loving their partner and family and doing all in their power that they believe is right when it comes to taking care of their families. Now from what we are finding out from today’s females the word drive would need to be added to the above definition in order to match the characteristics that they are looking to find in a good man.
What is drive and why is it or is it more important to women than men? We believe that drive is important to men just not in the same way that is to women. Fight and claw your way to the top stepping on all that are in your way just to prove yourself? Men question why do this and what do I gain from this? Is my life just a superficial world based on the obtaining of things?
Here’s your question ladies, is your need to have a driven man motivated by your need of security? So ladies if his name tag says mailroom clerk and not CEO, is he not a good guy? If he handles his bills and is able to save, does he not make the cut because he has in your eyes no drive? What if he does have drive but it is tied to his passion and his purpose but the dollars may be low in this area is he not a good guy?
True story, I have a cousin who worked part-time for UPS during his college years and upon graduating he was offered a great mid-entry level position with them. He was single but dating, with the belief, that he would marry the person he was dating. He loved making website and wanted to branch out on his own and do that as a business owner. Since then he is married with two kids and one on the way and today he finds himself making tee-shirts and loving it. His wife teaches school and loves and supports all that he desires to do. She told me that if he wants to move that she would pack up and go wherever he desires to go. She states with passion in her voice and without any hesitation she will advise that her man is not only a good man, he is a great man, great husband and an awesome father. I can say that I agree with her, from where I stand all I see is a young man of honor, distinction and integrity. He loves and supports his family. He has vision pertaining to the direction they are to go. He is an active father and supportive husband. He is educated and always there to help other families and couples with a balanced dose of understanding and accountability. He is most definitely a good man with drive and ambition he’s just not looking to be the next fortune 500 CEO unless it is his own. That may happen someday but today his purpose is tied to his family and helping others, not much money in that but he would say the benefits are well worth it.
So to all of you who base their definition of what/who a good man is by assigning the word drive as one of the characteristics of their definition, challenge yourself to stretch your understanding of what drive really is. Please don’t make it all about money, stuff and things. Make it about vision. When you drive you are looking to go somewhere. You must see in order to drive and the end result of your drive is to reach a destination so drive is all about vision. If a man has vision for himself when he is single he will in turn have vision for his wife and family when he is married. This is not only what makes a good man but a great man. The reason he is a great man is because his vision will cover the number one reason that women talk about drive—women equate drive as security.
Here is how we conclude that vision equals security, simply stated “without a vision my people perish”. So ladies think about changing your list of what makes a good man from drive to visionary.
Please understand that a man can have all the drive in the world for making money and this same man can be lazy, selfish and blind when it comes to relationships and family. Visionaries are creative, engaging, loving people that see hope and opportunity in any and all things that comes their way. So my request is that you replace the word drive with vision so that you can see the tomorrow you are longing for.
Ladies visionaries are out there, they may not look like you think they should since outward beauty is in the eye of the beholder but understand that when you realize that you are in communication with a man with vision, a true relationship can start. So take the time to learn how the single men around you think, dream, talk, envision the world, and what they see for their future. The true picture of who they are may turn out to be what you pictured a good man to say, think and be!
Thank you for reading……
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