Sometimes, You Just Get Tired and Want To Quit
Does this scenario sound familiar? You’re driving down the highway and someone cuts you off barely missing your car. You veer quickly to the side out of fear of getting hit and find that your heart feels as though it is beating outside of your chest. How dare they do that! You get angry and drive faster in order to pull up next to the person to give them a piece of your mind, or at least throw them the evil eye of disapproval. When you see the driver, you realize that not only is he/she unfazed by their actions but they fail to have a bit of remorse for disrupting your safe and peaceful drive. However, you did something. You were hurt (which often we won’t admit) and angry and you did something to let the other person know you were not happy about it. Am I in your well-house?
Yeah, I’ve been there myself. I have even dreamed of having the ability to have the highway patrol at my disposal to immediately track down and arrest anyone I felt was a violation to the rules of the road. My would-be road violations would not count, of course. The point is situations and life happen every day that cause us to feel angry, tired, worn out, burned out and sometimes even wanting out. Man, life gets crazy and hard sometimes, right. Believe me I get it. Between the unemployment rate, government issues, the BP gulf crisis, job loss, and just plain old life, it’s easy to simply say, “Okay, enough of this. I have had it!”
Surprisingly, this post is not about me suggesting to you that life’s situation are going to be fine and just grab yourself by the boot straps, stand up and move forward. Yeah, I’m the potential and move toward your dreams and purpose queen, but today’s post is about more than just doing and moving forward. This post is about allowing yourself to be who you are for a moment, without guilt, judgment, confusion or an unnecessary emotional beat down.
So often we are busy reacting and doing things that we miss the great lesson of growth in just being. We get so busy in putting our energy to get back at the co-worker who sold us out for a promotion or planning ways to be a more impressive person so that the leader, organization, whoever will choose us over someone else. That’s a whole lot of energy being used for a small reason.
I have found, especially in my life, that in the midst of feeling our emotions we miss understanding what our emotions (which are simply indicators of something and nothing more) are trying to tell us. Let’s go back to the car scenario.
If you followed my series on “Finding Your Story…” you are aware that as humans, we have 3 crucial needs
The need to be loved.
The need to have worth.
And the need for acceptance.
Everything we do in life is an attempt to have one or more of those needs met at any given moment. One day, someone cut me off and then gave me the bird like it was my fault for being in the way. My knee-jerk reaction was to start cuss….I mean give that person a piece of my mind. Then I stopped and thought…”Okay, Charlotte. Yeah the guy is obviously rude and only cares about himself but why are you getting so burnt up about it that it is messing with your day?” He disrespected me. His actions clearly gave the message that my safety and life held little worth to him and it hurt to feel like I simply didn’t matter.
Yeah, it’s a bit heady but as my friend says, “Right is right and right don’t wrong nobody!” My anger wasn’t about the jerk in the other car, it was about me. It was about me allowing someone else to validate my worth. By driving up or flipping him the bird or yelling at him what I am really trying to do is communicate, “Hey, I have more value and worth than what you just gave me and I want you to know it!”
Today, when knucklehead situations happen on the road or in life like that I simply stop and say, what does that have to do with me and what are my feelings indicating about me. Personally, my ultimate accountability and source of getting those needs met does not come from a person so I know no person can authorize, grant or take my worth, love or acceptance away. Yeah, I still get angry however I chose not to allow my feelings to control my actions. Am I always good at it? No. But I couldn’t make that choice until I understood what I was feeling. Make sense?
What does all this have to do with you and your potential? Yeah, you knew I could not leave a post without talking about your potential somehow, right? Before we can move forward to what we want to do, we really need to gain a better understand of why we do what we do and our motivation for it. When you are having a bad day or feeling burned out, don’t just do something about it or worse, ignore what you are feeling. Explore it. Our emotions are NOT our enemy they are simply indicators that something is going on.
Most times anger is not anger…it is hurt. Depression is not just depression..it is hurt being turned in toward yourself. Talk to someone if you need help in finding out what is behind the action. Often we get so afraid of feeling the pain or exploring what is really going on so we act like it’s not there. The problem with that thinking is…the hurt is not going away just because we don’t deal with it, it will always come out in another form, and we are still in pain in spite of our fear anyway.
I am simply encouraging you to stop the next time something happens that causes you to feel hurt, anger, joy, excitement, etc. Ask yourself, what need either is being fulfilled or denied. Then make a choice of how you want to handle it and where you want to place your energy.
You can do this!