"When Your World Makes No Sense" – Trust
It seems easy to ask others to trust but, trusting is incredibly difficult, and for many of us, it is something we fear. We fear because of past hurts, betrayals and abuses of our trust. Somewhere along the way we consciously or subconsciously yelled, “I will never trust like that again!”
Like messages of our past, our emotions turned into beliefs and we put up a wall in the effort to keep pain out and safety in. That wall says, “It hurts too much to hope, to wait, to believe that something can be different, so I need to protect myself with something (wall, anger, distancing, lowering expectations, etc.) in order to avoid pain.”
Although, the belief may seem logical, it is not possible or practical. Something in our lives will always require us to trust. The more we desire to avoid pain, the greater our fear will become in trusting someone or something. Trusting is not the enemy. Fear of pain is the true enemy that becomes a god in our lives and rules our choices and potential for our future. Unfortunately, trust cannot and never will operate only inside safe walls. Trust requires the help and participation of others.
Trusting is about expectations. No matter how reasonable or unrealistic an expectation is, we place our trust in it. When that expectation is met, our trust grows and when it is not, we lose hope and we trust less. It is like the belief some people have in trusting God or another person. When He or the other person meets that expectation of what they believe God or the other person should be and do, that person’s trust grows. However, when those expectations are not met, God or the other person becomes the problem, they are untrustworthy, and a protective wall needs to be created in order to keep the pain and the bad out.
Having an expectation is not the problem in trusting. The problem enters when our expectations must be met in order to trust. The problem happens when the other person or thing does not meet my expectation and I make them bad, a source of pain or a problem from which I now need to protect myself. Yes, people, parents, life, etc. have harmed us horribly in some cases. They should have loved better, behaved differently, or not abandoned us but they did. They did not meet our expectations, they broke trust and that really hurt. Will my life be better and pain-free if I put up a wall that reads, “Stay out!” until others fulfill my expectations?
Trust is a choice, not a feeling or a captive of our expectations. We learned not to trust because of pain and situations we experienced. However, we learn to trust by taking the risk to trust again, realizing we have no control over others, choosing safer sources, and exchanging expectations from other to ourselves. We cannot change or control anyone. We can only make the choice to change our response, our thinking, and ourselves.
As always, if you have questions, comments, suggestions on topic areas or would like to share some of your story, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear from you.
Books Available at www.charlottehunt.com
Dream Madly, Pursue Wildly, Trust Completely tm
Copyright © 2012 by Charlotte D. Hunt All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, or otherwise without written permission from the author except for brief quotations in printed reviews.