As a coach and counselor, the most difficult lesson my clients have to learn is this quote. It hurts so much when we are harmed and betrayed by others. We want someone to pay. However, until we can come to a point of saying 1) Yes, negative was done to me. However, in MY pain, I have probably hurt others. I must take responsibility. and 2) I can no longer blame another person, place, or thing for my happiness, joy, choices, anger, or sadness than I blame a television commercial appearing at a certain time. I cannot control others. I only have control over my responses, behavior, and choices…PERIOD. Once, we truly grasp that reality, we take our foot off of others’ necks and begin to walk in freedom and growth. You can do this. Be encouraged. www.charlottehunt.com.that those issues should not be there and that we, not the potter have control over the process and finished product.
Over time, many of us were subtly taught how to stop dreaming. Some learned by watching the struggles of their caretakers in providing for the family. Dreams did not put food on the table, so life turned in a more practical direction. Over time, dreams were placed on the shelf and gave way to ten-hour workdays, savings accounts, an easier life, and/or subdued discontentment.
Some learned early by being told their dreams had no value; that hope was an extravagance only other children could afford. They learned through abuse, isolation, bullying, neglect, name-calling, shame, and guilt that neither they nor their dreams mattered. They learned early to trade hopes and dreams for control, walls of safety, distrust, fear and lies that their potential was lost.
Some have learned to hold back their dreams because of words said or actions done to them. Others learned simply through the journey of growing older and living life. The daily news, war, economic crisis, rejection, relationships, work, marriage, failed plans, lack of control, children, health, in-laws, and the day-to-day of life slowly drains the excitement of dreams away and leaves the excuses of obligations, limitations, and obstacles in its place.
 Perhaps if we could lock out the unfairness of life and people we could dream freely like a child forever. However, people will always be around us and life will remain unfair. Time passes and inevitably, someone will say something to us or an event will happen to cause us to doubt forever having such a dream. Unless we challenge that doubt, it will become a fear. The fear eventually moves to a distraction. The distraction turns into an occasional thought then eventually, we will place it on the shelf with other “dreams we will get around to someday.”
Unfortunately, most times our dreams, unlike the sun, turn and move away. People criticize, mistakes happen, feelings are hurt, life changes, we grow older and our dreams move away in the process. The hopeful child who once dreamed freely of possibilities with an overflowing imagination slowly learns to be realistic and practical and begins to act like an adult.
Time, life, and growing older change our willingness to dream, pursue, and trust. The wisdom and freedom we once held in our childhood somehow get lost once we start acting like adults. Unconsciously, we grow older and leave the wonders of being childlike behind.
Our childlike imagination that only knew the limitations of our creativity learned to color within the lines of what we believed we could control with an earnest effort. Instead of allowing our imagination to lead us to take risks, try new things, make discoveries, or walk unknown paths, it becomes easier to limit our imaginations to fit what is safe, comfortable, and unchallenging.
What would happen if we believed that no idea is too silly, out of bounds, too big, or too dangerous to come true? That limitations of age, gender, education, background, or even handicap not considered or seen as obstacles in the way of the dream? That the world is a place of possibilities and a not-so-distant voice is calling out, “Why not?” What if we had the audacity to believe the future held a hope, a promise of some kind, and we would be a part of it?Â
Have you ever looked out of a window on a beautiful summer’s day and thought about what could have been? Have you ever witnessed a wrong, discovered a need, had a passion that stirred inside your heart, or felt drawn toward a specific path or direction and knew some way, somehow you were meant to do something about it? If you have ever felt those things, perhaps now is your time to begin or continue walking forward in pursuing the purpose, calling, dreams, and visions placed in you. Perhaps now you are being challenged to dream, to stretch yourself beyond what was reasonable, expected, and ordinary.
 I hope you are enjoying and finding encouragement through this series. Tomorrow, we will have a post from one of my favorite people and inspirations, David Green. He will be sharing an amazing post called, “A Father’s Influence” about his experience with fatherhood through the good and the bad. Please watch out for it tomorrow.
Today, I wanted to bless men, especially fathers. I predominately speak, teach, counsel, and work to encourage women regarding their past and present issues and situations that impede them from moving toward the future. However, a key in a female’s life stemming from childhood is held in her father. Hate it or appreciate it, the role of a man is vital to the femininity of girls as well as the masculinity of boys. One of the issues we see today in our search for identity stems from the fatherlessness (absent and/or passive fathers) in the homes.
Today’s post is not about blame or beating up men. It is about offering a blessing. In a society where, men are constantly torn down, can’t watch a toothpaste commercial without seeing a half-naked woman, and are continually put in positions of wanting to shut down, I wanted to offer men a blessing and a prayer from God’s perspective.
“Hello, son,
Yes, you are living in times of stress and confusion. I know each day you wake up full of stress and doubt putting on a strong face believing that it is required of you to lead your family. You go to work aiming to prove your worth to others who hold little value than a paycheck yet something burns inside you. You put on a face with the belief that you are strong and need to hold it together yet inside you are crumbling, heartbroken, and want to scream out your pain.
I know that over time, you have tried to shut down your pain with other things that are still not filling you. Around you lies an angry mate who has little respect for you due to your heart that refuses to lead. Your mind is available but your heart and passion to be more have left. Life, pressure, everything has become overwhelming.
Different lies come into your head. You might believe that because something happened to you long ago, you are destined to be what you experienced or what you were told. That is a lie. You might believe that because you feel good when you say there are no boundaries or consequences for your choices, there actually will be none. That is a lie. You might believe that because of wanting the freedom to show emotions and love and gauge uncertainty, you need to choose a certain identity. That is a lie. What you do is not who you are.
I am the Lord God. “The Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” (Rev 22:13) I created you from dust by my very hand to own and rule the earth. You are My prize. Your masculinity is given to you by Me not the world so it cannot be taken by the world. It cannot be taken by abuse, by bullying, by comparisons, by performance, by women, by employment, relationships, families, or anything else. Â
You don’t have to prove yourself to Me or to others that you have what it takes to be a man or to do whatever the world deems is important or masculine. You have My approval and My love so you do not have to wait for a father figure to give it to you to bestow manhood in order for you to be a “real” man. You do not have to hunt down “Bambi”, beat your chest, or go through any rituals in order to be declared a man. I created you once and for all, a man, and I am proud of you.
However, I created you for even more. I created you for the Garden, not the craziness you are experiencing now. No, you were not there with Adam. But when an offensive lineman jumps offside, the whole team, not just the lineman goes back. Unfortunately, when the first Adam made a choice, he made it for everyone to come. Yet, I gave you the gift of the second Adam through my Son, Jesus Christ. He laid down His life so you would not have to pay the price and be able to return to the Garden (Heaven) one day and have a relationship with Me. There is no trick or cost. It is a matter of simply saying, “Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ and desire to follow Him as Savior in my life.”
I created you to lead. Lead when you are dating a woman or in a marriage relationship. Treating her with kindness and understanding, being kind, gentle, and protective of her (1 Peter 3:7).
Lead your wife and family in taking initiative and responsibility for the direction of the home. Listen to your wife and always seek to do what is in her best interests (Ephesians 5:25, 28, Colossians 3:19).
Lead in treating the women in your life not as someone lesser but as an equal and fellow heir of eternal life in Jesus Christ (1 Peter 3:7).
Lead in training your children in My Word. (Ephesians 6:4).
Lead in providing for the home(1 Timothy 5:8).
Lead when you are in a position of temptation, resists the devil and stand firm against the flesh (James 4:7).
Lead in studying My Word (2 Timothy 2:15)Â
Lead in being a man devoted to prayer (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and be a man who loves Me with all of your heart, soul, and strength (Luke 10:27).”
Be Still and Know that I am with you and I am Proud of you!
Your Abba Father
Be encouraged, it’s a journey, not a destination. Charlotte
“Unfortunately, the greatest lie Christians believe when suffering, struggles and loss comes to our door is that somehow we are being punished or God is angry with us. While, we certainly need to check and confess any known sin, unforgiveness or harm on our part, we can rest assured that the trial we are going through is part of a purpose and not revenge for behavior. In our pain, we fail to realize that life happens to all of us and God can stop anything. If our situation is allowed, there is always a purpose for our good, his glory and other edification involved.
It is through our trials, suffering and struggles that we find him and he remakes us for his great purpose. We learn to trust, love and unlearn the wrong through his loving allowance of trials in our life, not through times of joy and success. It is difficult to name one single person of greatest or even a great Bible character who escaped suffering and trials in order to prepare them for their purpose.”
Hey there, it’s Charlotte. First, please forgive the length of this post. Due to my own current journey and the struggles of those around me, I wanted to take time to address the heart of some real issues that I believe we are having today. Â
Let me ask, does this pattern sound familiar (I am talking to Bible-believing Christians who have a relationship with Jesus)? You believe that the Lord is moving you in a specific direction (ministry, direction, waiting, etc.). As you continue to move in that direction you begin to travel through a time of testing or difficulty. You realize as a Christian that this is to be expected. However, as you pray and do the things you know to do, situations get worse and it seems as though the same God who gave you the initial direction is quiet and not opening doors. Depending on your journey with the Lord you continue to worship and pray yet inside as situations become dire and desperate, you grow faint and tired and question what you did wrong. You doubt if you heard God’s direction and beat yourself up for not acting earlier instead of waiting on God. You become depressed and angry and try to control situations that are out of your control and find nice words to cover your hidden anger at God for not coming through. Like Job, you don’t understand why God has disappointed when all you wanted to do was please Him. Sound familiar? I am so with you!
For the sake of time, I won’t go on my long journey. However, I will say that the Lord always seems to want me to walk through the non-fiction books He desires me to write for others. When I sensed Him wanting me to write a book on Job asking the two questions he asked in the book of Job that brought about his pain and healing that apply to us, I told the Lord I would write it. Good Lord, what drugs was I taking? Now, I find myself on a three-month-long journey of incredible loss and more. However, it has also been a miraculous and deeper time of learning to trust Him and being still of knowing He is God. I am forever being changed.
Although one of the chapters deals in depth with the reality of feeling like God doesn’t care, I want to offer some encouragement to you for now because we all need it. I know I do. To be real, I had a moment last night realizing my car won’t start and roadside service won’t accept my warranty although I’m covered and I have no way to get around. Life is real.
So, why do we often feel like God does not care when we are going through struggles and sufferings and do not get the responses that we desire? The short answer is that it is difficult to feel cared for when we believe we cannot trust someone. And it is difficult to trust someone when we believe they don’t have our backs. Yes, I know we are talking about God who is perfect and cannot fail. However, as humans, we project our feelings of what we believe God should be onto God not who He truly is. When God does not do what WE believe He should do then to us, He failed and then Satan fills our heads with the lie that we cannot trust God and He doesn’t care about us. Then we shut down our hearts to Him and find false gods like drugs, food, shopping, people, entertainment, celebrities, media, etc.
Make sense? Hang in there. You are not crazy. We will explore more and provide help soon with the release of my next book, “WHY ME” in the Spring of 2022.