As a coach and counselor, the most difficult lesson my clients have to learn is this quote. It hurts so much when we are harmed and betrayed by others. We want someone to pay. However, until we can come to a point of saying 1) Yes, negative was done to me. However, in MY pain, I have probably hurt others. I must take responsibility. and 2) I can no longer blame another person, place, or thing for my happiness, joy, choices, anger, or sadness than I blame a television commercial appearing at a certain time. I cannot control others. I only have control over my responses, behavior, and choices…PERIOD. Once, we truly grasp that reality, we take our foot off of others’ necks and begin to walk in freedom and growth. You can do this. Be encouraged. www.charlottehunt.com.that those issues should not be there and that we, not the potter have control over the process and finished product.
Have you ever looked out of a window on a beautiful summer’s day and thought about what could have been? Have you ever witnessed a wrong, discovered a need, had a passion that stirred inside your heart, or felt drawn toward a specific path or direction and knew some way, somehow you were meant to do something about it? If you have ever felt those things, perhaps now is your time to begin or continue walking forward in pursuing the purpose, calling, dreams, and visions placed in you. Perhaps now you are being challenged to dream, to stretch yourself beyond what was reasonable, expected, and ordinary.
 I hope you are enjoying and finding encouragement through this series. Tomorrow, we will have a post from one of my favorite people and inspirations, David Green. He will be sharing an amazing post called, “A Father’s Influence” about his experience with fatherhood through the good and the bad. Please watch out for it tomorrow.
Today, I wanted to bless men, especially fathers. I predominately speak, teach, counsel, and work to encourage women regarding their past and present issues and situations that impede them from moving toward the future. However, a key in a female’s life stemming from childhood is held in her father. Hate it or appreciate it, the role of a man is vital to the femininity of girls as well as the masculinity of boys. One of the issues we see today in our search for identity stems from the fatherlessness (absent and/or passive fathers) in the homes.
Today’s post is not about blame or beating up men. It is about offering a blessing. In a society where, men are constantly torn down, can’t watch a toothpaste commercial without seeing a half-naked woman, and are continually put in positions of wanting to shut down, I wanted to offer men a blessing and a prayer from God’s perspective.
“Hello, son,
Yes, you are living in times of stress and confusion. I know each day you wake up full of stress and doubt putting on a strong face believing that it is required of you to lead your family. You go to work aiming to prove your worth to others who hold little value than a paycheck yet something burns inside you. You put on a face with the belief that you are strong and need to hold it together yet inside you are crumbling, heartbroken, and want to scream out your pain.
I know that over time, you have tried to shut down your pain with other things that are still not filling you. Around you lies an angry mate who has little respect for you due to your heart that refuses to lead. Your mind is available but your heart and passion to be more have left. Life, pressure, everything has become overwhelming.
Different lies come into your head. You might believe that because something happened to you long ago, you are destined to be what you experienced or what you were told. That is a lie. You might believe that because you feel good when you say there are no boundaries or consequences for your choices, there actually will be none. That is a lie. You might believe that because of wanting the freedom to show emotions and love and gauge uncertainty, you need to choose a certain identity. That is a lie. What you do is not who you are.
I am the Lord God. “The Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” (Rev 22:13) I created you from dust by my very hand to own and rule the earth. You are My prize. Your masculinity is given to you by Me not the world so it cannot be taken by the world. It cannot be taken by abuse, by bullying, by comparisons, by performance, by women, by employment, relationships, families, or anything else. Â
You don’t have to prove yourself to Me or to others that you have what it takes to be a man or to do whatever the world deems is important or masculine. You have My approval and My love so you do not have to wait for a father figure to give it to you to bestow manhood in order for you to be a “real” man. You do not have to hunt down “Bambi”, beat your chest, or go through any rituals in order to be declared a man. I created you once and for all, a man, and I am proud of you.
However, I created you for even more. I created you for the Garden, not the craziness you are experiencing now. No, you were not there with Adam. But when an offensive lineman jumps offside, the whole team, not just the lineman goes back. Unfortunately, when the first Adam made a choice, he made it for everyone to come. Yet, I gave you the gift of the second Adam through my Son, Jesus Christ. He laid down His life so you would not have to pay the price and be able to return to the Garden (Heaven) one day and have a relationship with Me. There is no trick or cost. It is a matter of simply saying, “Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ and desire to follow Him as Savior in my life.”
I created you to lead. Lead when you are dating a woman or in a marriage relationship. Treating her with kindness and understanding, being kind, gentle, and protective of her (1 Peter 3:7).
Lead your wife and family in taking initiative and responsibility for the direction of the home. Listen to your wife and always seek to do what is in her best interests (Ephesians 5:25, 28, Colossians 3:19).
Lead in treating the women in your life not as someone lesser but as an equal and fellow heir of eternal life in Jesus Christ (1 Peter 3:7).
Lead in training your children in My Word. (Ephesians 6:4).
Lead in providing for the home(1 Timothy 5:8).
Lead when you are in a position of temptation, resists the devil and stand firm against the flesh (James 4:7).
Lead in studying My Word (2 Timothy 2:15)Â
Lead in being a man devoted to prayer (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and be a man who loves Me with all of your heart, soul, and strength (Luke 10:27).”
Be Still and Know that I am with you and I am Proud of you!
Your Abba Father
Be encouraged, it’s a journey, not a destination. Charlotte
“Unfortunately, the greatest lie Christians believe when suffering, struggles and loss comes to our door is that somehow we are being punished or God is angry with us. While, we certainly need to check and confess any known sin, unforgiveness or harm on our part, we can rest assured that the trial we are going through is part of a purpose and not revenge for behavior. In our pain, we fail to realize that life happens to all of us and God can stop anything. If our situation is allowed, there is always a purpose for our good, his glory and other edification involved.
It is through our trials, suffering and struggles that we find him and he remakes us for his great purpose. We learn to trust, love and unlearn the wrong through his loving allowance of trials in our life, not through times of joy and success. It is difficult to name one single person of greatest or even a great Bible character who escaped suffering and trials in order to prepare them for their purpose.”
You know, as I grow older I’ve learned a great lesson. Everyday is a choice to start over.
Our choices determine if we are going to move forward and get out of bed or if we are going to stay were we are and shut down. Our choices determine if we are going to blame everyone and Santa Clause for our situation and the reason why our life is going bad or if we take the next step forward regardless of what has happened in our lives. The fact is every last one of us has been hurt by someone and every last one of us has hurt someone else. Perhaps not in the same way, but we all have hurt someone. So at some point, we must release the hold of feeling like a victim. It is very freeing. Actually, it is very empowering. But it is a choice.
Each day we have a choice to believe that our past was a burden placed in our lives simply to provide an everlasting obstacle and reminder that we can never have a purpose, hope or future or our past is part of our story meant to be used as part of our purpose for our future hope.
Each day, we have a choice to believe that each day is an ongoing torment of suffering or worry or an opportunity to learn, grow and change direction and ourselves and admit that our way is not the only way and be “forever” students instead of stuck, safe professors in a life that was never meant to be safe.
Each day, we have a choice to consistently look at ourselves and the world through the lens of “what’s wrong” and “something is lacking” or choose to believe that our feelings are rarely reality and we must allow others the freedom to be who they are whether we agree or not. We certainly do not have to agree or endorse their behavior or platforms but we cannot force our opinion on them.
In celebration of being a happy and in my 50’s, I want to offer you some tips I have used over the years for skin care. Aside from being blessed with my mother’s genes, these are tips that have helped me to keep my skin looking young, wrinkle-free and moisturized. Please consult your doctor before trying anything new on your skin.
SKIN TYPES:
There are three basic skin types dry, normal and oily. Dry skin tightens after washing and often appears pale and ashy if a moisturizer is not applied. The advantage of having dry skin is that it usually has less skin problems in the earlier years while showing faster signs of aging due to lack of moister in later years if moister is not continually applied. A person with dry skin will often have dry hair.
People with normal skin often ask, “What type of skin do I have?” Most have something called a “T-zone” which horizontally crosses their nose and vertically crosses between their eyes. That zone is usually dry or oily.
Finally, there is oily skin. Oily skin is just that, oily. The skin literally produces too much oil. The disadvantage of having oily skin is having skin problems in one’s youth while the advantage is having moister that helps the skin as it ages. A person with oily skin will often have oily hair.
DRY SKIN:
I have dry skin. My skin is so dry I start looking like Casper “the ghost” within seconds of washing my face if I don’t put on some type of moisturizer. Seriously! Knowing how dry my skin is, I have been intentional about putting a great deal of moister into my skin to push back against signs of aging as much as possible. While, I cannot prove it, I truly have seen evidence in my grandmother’s, mother’s and my face where focusing on moister has prevented lines and wrinkles on our necks and faces. My grandmother was 98 when she passed, my mother was 72 when she passed and I am 59 and none of us has or had wrinkles or lines on our faces or lines around our necks. So for for us. We swore by moisturizing. Check out the picture below of me and my mom (two months before her death at 72)
Here are some things that I do for my dry skin. (Might sound crazy but it works for me)
1) Wash face AND neck with Cetaphil Soap (get generic at Wal-Mart)
2) Put on light layer of Noxzema (clears face of blemishes) over face and neck.
3) Put on light layer of moisturizing lotion (Vaseline), then layer of petroleum jelly (use generic), then layer of vitamin E oil over face, neck and throat and back of ears. Not only does this put moister back in your face but Vitamin E oil has also removed the gray in my brows and lashes. Yep!
4) Wipe excess off with cloth
DO USE: Products with water, mineral oil
AVOID: Products with alcohol, astringent
OILY SKIN: Here are some things that have worked for my oily skin students.
1) Bring pot of water to a boil over stove
2) Wash face AND neck (front, back, including ears and behind ears) with prescribed soap OR Cetaphil Soap for oily skin (get generic at Wal-Mart)
3) While is face is still wet, SAFELY lean over boiling pot of water with small towel over head
4) Allow steam to sweat out pores for about five minutes
5) Rinse face with WARM water to cleanse face, then rinse with COLD water to close pores
6) Use medicated product prescribed by doctor or one with astringent
DO USE: Products with alcohol, astringent AVOID: Products with oil
NORMAL SKIN: Here are some things that have worked for my normal skin students.
1) Wash face AND neck (front, back, including ears and behind ears) with any mild soap and Cetaphil Soap (get generic at Wal-Mart)
2) Follow steps for oily skin then moisturize as needed.
3) For your dry areas use cocoa butter as mentioned in the dry skin care area. For your oily areas try using products contain alcohol and astringent. GENERAL TIPS FOR BLEMISH PROBLEMS AND OTHER STUFF
If I do get a blemish, this is what I do:
Use Equate Apricot Scrub (Wal-Mart)
Steam (see above)
Put a dab of generic Noxzema or toothpaste on the blemish
By morning, it’s gone
Wear as little makeup as possible. The only time I use foundation is during a television or professional shoot. Any other time if I’m going out its just mascara, contour, shadow and maybe lipstick. My mom was the same way (Note in picture of me and mom: we don’t like to wear foundation) It you can keep as much make up off your skin try to if possible.
Avoid using peel off mask. Try using scrubs instead.
You don’t have to spend a great deal of money. My mother always paid top dollar for beauty products while my favorite stores were dollar store and Wal-Mart. Our results were the same. Just a thought!
You can find a cheap face Massager at my favorite place Wal-Mart to massage under your chin, jaws and face. Believe it or not it really does tighten your face and jaw line. It will save thousands of dollars of face-lift money, believe me. If not, softly slapping your face and jaw line daily works just as well. I’ve been doing it for years.
Try putting Vitamin E Oil around your hairline. I found it helps to hold back the graying around my hairline and keeps it smooth.
Try putting Vitamin E oil under and over eyes to prevent circles and aging eye. Make sure to wipe off excess.
Use Vitamin E oil on neck. You can tell a person’s age by their neck lines.
Use Vitamin E oil over your fingernail and toenail beds then use petroleum jelly after taking a shower to keep nail soft
As always, if you have questions, comments, suggestions on topic areas or would like to share some of your story, please email me at charlotte@charlottehunt.com. I would love to hear from you.