Earlier this week, I did something that I regretted. After having wonderful days of spending with the Lord, morning prayer at church, and enjoying those around me, I made a huge mistake. Then something happened at work that attacked my sense of accomplishment and worth and I started down a spiral of believing the things I was feeling was true.
By yesterday, I was feeling and calling myself a loser, stupid, a horrible person and more because of the mistakes I was making and my believed failure in God’s eyes. I cried bitterly in the shower asking forgiveness and kicking myself. THEN…
As I prayed, the Lord, as usual, talked to me like a two-year-old and knocked some sense into me. Clearly, I was reminded that what I was feeling was shame, which is NOT from Him but Satan. Shame is always an attack of who we are not something negative alone that we have done. Shame, in Christ, is ALWAYS illegitimate and not of God. So, I knew the feelings I was having was a spiritual attack meant to shut me down, cause me to believe lies, and drive me away from Christ.
Second, it was like I was asked the question, “Charlotte, why are you constantly surprised at your depravity?” It hit me. We are constantly surprised when we do (fill in the blank). Somehow, we make the assumption that just because we are Christians, love Christ, and desire to do His will that we are perfect and have the ability to behave as though we are in Heaven. Yes, I love Jesus. However, when I’m not yielding to the Holy Spirit, I am capable of listening to the enemy, following my flesh, hurting people, and doing whatever I negatively want to do. Then, I get surprised that I actually did that and start kicking myself.
God had to remind me that I was absolutely correct in going to Him to repent. However, as long as I keep kicking myself because of the expectation that I have arrived, was perfect, won’t fail or make mistakes, and am not a wretch undone (as Paul says), I will judge others and look to myself in my pain instead of Him. Just keeping it real, ya’ll.
You can do this!
Take care,
Charlotte
Dream Madly, Pursue Wildly, Trust Completely TM
Copyright © 2020 by Charlotte D. Hunt All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, or otherwise without written permission from the author except for brief quotations in printed reviews.
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